FLAT Like a Pancake…Ma’am

February 12th, 2013 No Comments Tags: , ,

Yes folks the dawning of Pancake Day got me pondering, hmmmmm. I was thinking about that test we Ma’am’s loathe most, but realize we need. Yes, I’m talking about monitoring and that dastardly mammogram. Good grief.

I have been at the age where sales people refer to me as Ma’am for a while now. This began about the age when my MD started scheduling my annual MA’AMmogram. (I stole this line from a comic’s routine – very witty).

If your bubbies weren’t sagging when you arrived, they surely will by the time you leave – FLAT like a pancake. I recall my last one…I checked in and waited as my heart fluttered nervously. Then the technician called my name and locked her steely gaze onto mine. I’m going in for a fun ride here. Someone’s in a cranky mood this Friday afternoon and it isn’t me……yet.

Ok, you get down to business and drop the dairies to get this over and done with. I know the drill, I’ve been coming here for many years now so get those jaws of life in gear so I can vamoose home. Surely a man has designed this machine because the technician uses an accelerator pedal on the floor to close the clamp on your poor booby….really, really tightly, FLAT like a pancake.

I’m in position for the first picture and the technician says “hold your breath”. Well my dear, it was hurting so much I was ALREADY holding my breath. Then comes the other “angled shot”. If the breast wasn’t dislodged from the pec muscle in your chest after the first picture, then this other view will surely do the job. UG.

The 4 pics have been taken and the song lingering in my head is “do your ears hang low, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow, can you throw them over your shoulder….” Do you remember that tune from days of old? Somehow it applies to this test, only it doesnt refer to your ears. My final thought as I leave is how that machine would make a great nut cracker…..

All joking aside ladies, it is not only important to monitor all aspects of your body but your life DEPENDS on it. Get out of the dark and go to your annual check up if you haven’t lately.

As another Pancake Day comes and goes think about whether you’ve been missing your annual check ups with the related tests. If your breasts are a little too perky because you missed your annual Ma’am-o-gram find that requisition and make the call. Time to get it into your calendar :-)

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