Women, Food & Guilt

October 26th, 2010 No Comments Tags: , , , , , ,

Although I am a dietitian by trade I feel I can write about the ins and outs of guilt like a true expert. After all, I am an Italian woman :-) The guilty gene comes with the territory.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post on eating tips for kids. Last week on October 19 I wrote about setting limits with kids for situations where interactional issues may exist. Since then I’ve done more thinking about this topic and interestingly the notion of guilt bubbled to the surface, hmmmmmm.

Ah guilt. Guilt seems to be a roadblock of sorts that gets in the way of setting consistent limits with kids. Funny, when I was growing up I never perceived guilt when my Mom told my sisters and me “no” when she set limits. Why has this mountain of guilt piled up like toxic waste in a landfill these days??

Every generation aims to do better and be wiser than the generation before. That’s all well and good until we tripped up on our own self acceptance, don’t you think? Are we good enough? When we make a stand will people still accept us? It would seem that we grown-ups are questioning ourselves to the max like it’s an extreme sport: Are we good enough offspring to our parents….even as adults? Are we good enough wives to our husbands….even after years of marriage? Are we good enough mothers to our children? Are we good enough employees to our employers? Are we good…..Time!!

Oy oy oy, it’s time we stopped the madness. Yes it’s helpful to self-reflect but at some point we just need our motto to be “Just do it….already and STOP second guessing yourself”. The self help book industry needs to help save us from ourselves it would seem. It’s as if there’s a disconnect from our brain to our heart when we cave with kids. It’s the emergence of the wishy-washy gene perhaps…

The brain is our center of reason, knowing right from wrong, good from bad, normal from the absurdly ridiculous. But then our heart chimes in with the “ya but’s….” and the “what if’s…” and the “woulda, coulda, shoulda’s” ’til the cows come home. After that all sense turns into NONsense as wisdom goes out the window.

When your kid starts whining that other kids don’t have to make their lunch or do chores around the house or play outside and be active, or whatever, do what my Grandmother used to do – tune them out….la la la la la la. Talk to the hand kids. I’m doing you a favour. Save the empathy for when you need it, but put a lid on it until you do.

Start by looking in the mirror and accepting yourself. Realize that you ARE good enough. If your folks don’t agree with everything you do in this era, well that’s ok. Agree to disagree, then park it. How old are you now anyways?? If your hubby is outpacing you with doing tasks from the job jar he might have a case. Stats show the division of labour is the other way around, so take a pill. And when you KNOW you’re making the right decisions with your kids don’t look back like a lilly livered lemur questioning yourself, look forward like a lion and move on. ROARRRRR!!

At the end of the day when you boil it all down about loving your kids, it’s the tough love that is best love of all.

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