Archive for the ‘Funnies By a Foodie’ Category

The 12 Days of Christmas Remix

December 2nd, 2015 No Comments Tags: , , , ,

Ok my cherished T & T followers. Another year has come and gone. Let’s all sing along together from the same proverbial song-sheet now that the Christmas season is in full swing, shall we? Hem hem hem….

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

1 Daily Breakfast – Successful losers say and research shows it’s the most important meal of the day. Don’t miss it!

2 Little Snacks – Keeping your hunger at bay will really help you from feeling ravenous and overeating.

3 Square Meals – Having a regular eating routine with balanced meals helps your metabolism fire on all cylinders while kicking hunger to the curb. A true gift to yourself.

4 Food Groups – Enjoying food choices in a balanced fashion from all of the food groups will optimally nourish you as you take on all that the holidays have in store, fa la la la la, la la la la!

5 Quiet Moments – Let stress flow away when you find daily quiet time to ponder life and all it’s wonders…. Ummmmmm.

6 Times a Movin’ – Keeping regularly active (at least six, five minute intervals of moving daily) and even taking it up a notch this time of year to offset any extra nibbling will help you burn-baby-burn extra calories, keep on track, feel fit and even ease stress.

7 Beauty Sleeps - Getting enough zzzzz’s helps with appetite regulation and allows you to be more productive. Nite nite.

8 Mugs a Chuggin’ – Keep your water goblet by your side and sip, sip, sip to my Lou throughout the day to stay well hydrated. Infuse your water with fresh mint, zesty citrus or frozen berries. Bottoms UP!

9 Suares to Go To – Put on your party pants and get down on the dance floor doing the hokey pokey at these shin digs will help you burn 276 calories an hour, by rockin’ round the clock! Bye bye trifle calories…..

10 Fruit & Veg – Eating your quota of these puppies everyday helps fill you up while easing those extras out because you’re simply feeling full. Like magic.

11 Saboteurs to Deal With – Prepare yourself with how you’re going to deal with food pushing saboteurs. Take the high road with a polite “no thank you” and avoid the battle ground. Refer back to #5 as needed as you say “fa la la la la…”

12 Times of Standin’ – Get up and move a little throughout the day, everyday. Do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about! Down with sitting’itis!

Ok folks, if you follow this beat for the coming weeks you’ll be in good shape and feeling extra cheer by New Year. Equip yourself with my e-book to get up to speed on some healthy and stealthy habits for 2016. God bless us every one!

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The Other 12 Days of Christmas

December 3rd, 2014 No Comments Tags: , , , , , ,

Ok my cherished T & T followers. Let’s all sing along together from the same proverbial song-sheet now that the Christmas season is in full swing, shall we? HmHmmHmm.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

1 Daily Breakfast – Successful losers say and research shows it’s the most important meal of the day. Don’t miss it!

2 Little Snacks – Keeping your hunger at bay will really help you from feeling ravenous and overeating.

3 Square Meals – Having a regular eating routine with balanced meals helps your metabolism fire on all cylinders. A true gift to yourself.

4 Small Plates – Keeping an eye on your serving size by using smaller plates is an easy way to help you portion out less food and eat less over the holidays and everyday.

5 No-cal Drinks – Having enough fluids and focusing on eating your calories rather than drinking them helps fill you up and keeps you hydrated.

6 Times a Movin’ – Keeping regularly active and even taking it up a notch this time of year to offset any extra nibbling will help you burn extra calories, keep on track, feel fit and even ease stress.

7 Beauty Sleeps - Getting enough zzzzz’s helps with appetite regulation and allows you to be more productive. Nite nite.

8 Maids a Milkin’ – Including this perfect food into your regimen as a snack and with meals will add taste, protein and help satiety, not to mention a whole lot of nutritional goodness.

9 Ladies Dancing – Doing the hokey pokey at the holiday party will help you burn 276 calories an hour, by rockin’ round the clock! Bye bye trifle calories…..

10 Fruit & Veg – Eating your quota of these everyday helps fill you up while easing those extras out because you’re simply feeling full. Like magic.

11 Wipers Wipin’ – Doing housework isn’t all bad, you’ll burn 216 calories an hour while making your nest pristine for when company pops in unexpectedly.

12 Drummers Drummin’ – March to the beat of your own drum and don’t let those saboteurs change your plans gets you in the dietary drivers seat. Stick with it, you’ll be glad you did!

Ok folks, if you follow this beat for the coming weeks you’ll be in good shape and feeling extra cheer by New Year, fa la la la la, la la la la!

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Have a Happy New Year – Shana Tova!

September 24th, 2014 No Comments Tags: , , , ,

A good friend of mine sent me this photo of her mother-in-law’s Rosh Hashana dessert from years passed. I think it’s still in her tum-tum digesting. How innocent can the sport of whipping up a master dish like this be? Apparently, not very!! Dessert-making for HER Mother Dearest is an olympic sport. Dare I post this into my “Food Revolution Recipes” section. Nay nay I say!

I am told it’s based on the idea of the innocent cheddar cheese ball served with crackers. We are all familiar with this happy appi, right? Only this is the dessert version with decadence infused to the MAX. This is a cheese-ball morphed into a cheeseCAKE ball. Now you’re talkin’!  Yes, seriously. It is cheesecake and chocolate chips coated in Skor bars, served with Nilla Wafers. Oy oy oy he shoots he Skors!!  Let me get my endocrinologist and dentist on speed-dial. I’m told it was SOOOOO sweet the family has a permanent pucker on their faces today.

I compare this to the high-pitched dog whistle, so high that we mere humans can’t hear it, but the dogs come running. Well this sweetness factor is so high-pitched all the honey bees in her neighbourhood have their little honey bee faces stuck up on the dining room window trying to get at it. Ok and so Bubby wins the gold medal in the dessert making contest. Congratulations Bubby! If your pancreas was in borderline functioning condition before noshing on this, it will certainly be in overdrive after.

What can I say – viva Velveeta! Happy New Year! Shana Tova! I love a family celebration…Jess I’ll make you this next year! :-)

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Daily Grind Rhyme

June 16th, 2014 No Comments Tags: , , , , , , ,

Another week has come and gone
The birds did chirp
The sun has shone

Decisions made to fill me up
A walk at dawn
My water cup

Of fruits & veg, 5 to 10 a day
And dairy too
Hey that’s ok!

Eating pattern to stay on track
3 balanced meals, plus
A few small snacks

Steer clear of fast food and of junk
That’s NOT real food
And adds to your trunk!

Protein at meals keeps hunger away
All those vit’s and min’s
And health will stay

Remember that your body’s your temple
And that’s a fact
Plain and simple

Keep building up your muscle mass
Being good and strong
Ups your thermostat

Nothing feels better than being fit
Everything you do
Makes a difference to it!

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Howling About The Werewolf Diet!

April 4th, 2014 No Comments Tags: ,

After 26 years of working in the nutrition world I thought I heard everything. But no, in comes the New Year with, wait for it, the Werewolf Diet – aHooooo! I love entertainment, but let’s compartmentalize that for television and the cinema, shall we, and leave our dinner plate and diet alone?!

Oh mother MacCree, this nutty nosh less-fest claims to have some connection related to the tides of the ocean given we and the ocean have something in common – lots of water, and for some of us, more during certain times of the month…. Apparently the basic version called the basic moon diet (add the adjective “luny” if you like) is to have a 24-hour fast day. Well folks time to press that buzzer of refusal and ridiculousness – bzzzzz. You know what I always say about a diet with a “fast” – that’s the speed you run in the opposite direction FROM it and FAST.

Ok so we just had a chuckle about something so absurd – the Werewolf Diet. Read my e-book Skinny on Slim, The Little Black Dress of Diet Books and do some howling over my sarcastic humour in that, but there are pearls of wisdom throughout :-)

Check out the review of Skinny on Slim featured on web-magzine Canadian Health & Lifestyle.

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Ho Ho Ho Hold the Attitude – Joy in Your Holiday World

December 20th, 2013 No Comments Tags: , , , , ,

Well a few more sleeps before Christmas Eve is upon us. We’ve talked about strategies around eating, food and activity and now’s the time to talk about our interactions with each other, so that Ho Ho Ho doesn’t turn to Oh! Oh! Oh! You know, close encounters of the family kind. We don’t want to revert a jolly ho ho ho into a dreary uh oh uh oh uh oh after a few too many glasses of rum and eggnog. So, listen up.

Coy to the World – The older we all get the more different we all become.This is a fact of life. I have my way, sister Betty has her way and Janey has yet another. Go figure! I expect we don’t alway agree on various matters. Let’s not use this upcoming week to make people see it your way. There are many ways of doing the same thing right, believe it or not, so let’s get through this next phase joyously and keep your opinions to yourself, shall we??

Saucy the Snowman – Ok, so every family has a saucy member who pushes buttons while pushing the proverbial envelope….”pass the salt…and another thing…as I was saying…” Why not have a chat about peace-making well in advance of the big days ahead with Saucy? The last thing any hostess needs after all of the effort of making a lovely day is turning your table into a combat zone. Make a plan in advance and put your big pants on (for a different reason, of course).

Silent Fight - We women have such good memories don’t we?? Sometimes we hold grudges too and can barely remember what they’re about. Well for this upcoming week let’s see if we can find a parking lot for this excess baggage and drop it off there for the duration. Check.

Winter Blunderland - If you do have a grudge to bear with anyone around the table, get your head around strategies to ensure a smooth and enjoyable time. For me counting back from 10 can help. Try splashing your face with cold water. Make an angel in the snow if you need to, I don’t care. Think about a few safe things you can all talk about that musters feelings of joy of the season and warm fuzzes and don’t change the channel.

Jingle Tells – Now if someone feels compelled to do some telling, things might end up with jingle yelling! Short of having someone at the table with a striped referee sweater and whistle, help to keep each other in check.  You don’t want to have to use the penalty box for a time out, let alone anyone having anyone end up with a game misconduct.

What Child is This? - Resign yourself to the fact that you’ll be the adult, so act like one. Deal??

Let it Blow, Let it Blow, Let it Blow – Find a way to get your frustrations out beforehand, like taking a walk. Talking things through with a trusty confidant ahead of time can also help. Better yet get yourself one of those blow-up clowns with the smile, if you knock it in the head it falls over then bounces back – hey my favourite! Do anything to blow it off, but don’t ruin everybody’s day over it.

Have Yourself an Extraordinary Christmas – Do all you can to have the most extraordinary Christmas you can muster, because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring, let alone next year.

And by the way ho ho ho, hold the attitude!!

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Another 12 Dieting Days of Christmas

December 2nd, 2013 No Comments Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Ok my cherished T & T followers. Let’s all sing along together from the same proverbial song-sheet now that the Christmas season is in full swing, shall we? HmHmmHmm:

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

1 Daily Breakfast – Successful losers say and research shows it’s the most important meal of the day. Don’t miss it!

2 Protein Snacks – Keeping your hunger at bay will really help you from feeling ravenous and overeating.

3 Square Meals – Having a regular eating routine with balanced meals helps your metabolism fire on all cylinders. A true gift to yourself.

4 Little Plates – Keeping an eye on your serving size by using smaller plates is an easy way to help you eat less over the holidays and everyday.

5 Glasses of Water – Having enough fluids and focusing on eating your calories rather than drinking them helps fill you up and keeps you hydrated.

6 Times a Movin’ – Staying regularly active and even taking it up a notch this time of year to offset the extra eating will help you burn extra calories, keep on track, feel fit and even ease stress.

7 Beauty Sleeps - Getting enough zzzzz’s helps with appetite regulation and allows you to be more productive. Nite nite.

8 Maids a Milkin’ – Including this perfect food into your regimen as a snack and with meals will add taste, protein and help satiety, not to mention a whole lot of nutritional goodness.

9 Ladies Dancing – Doing the hokey pokey at the holiday parties will help you burn 276 calories an hour, by rockin’ round the clock!! Bye bye Nuremberg cookie calories…..

10 Fruits & Veg – Eating your quota of these everyday helps fill you up while easing those extras out because you’re simply feeling too full. Like magic.

11 Wipers Wipin’ – Doing housework isn’t all bad, you’ll burn 216 calories an hour while making your nest pristine. Vamoose dust bunnies.

12 Drummers Drummin’ – Marching to the beat of your own drum and not letting those saboteurs change your plans puts you in the dietary drivers seat. Stick with it soul seesta, you’ll be glad you did!!

Ok folks, if you follow this beat for the coming weeks you’ll be in good shape and feeling extra cheer by New Year!

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Posted in Eating Vortex, Foodie Fundamentals, Funnies By a Foodie, Miss Behavin', Who's Zoomin' Who?? | No Comments »

In Sync

September 8th, 2013 No Comments Tags: ,

A pill for this
An app for that
A special diet
To fight the fat

A quirky plan
A magic fruit
To help you shrink
Your birthday suit!

Tricks aren’t real
On magic shows
A puff of smoke
Then your metabolism blows!

Lofty claims
A new found fad
Stealing your cash
That makes me mad!

Your “body as temple”
Follows the rules
Biology, physiology
That was taught in school

Go slow and steady
Take a balanced approach
Work on mind, body, spirit
Be your own life coach!

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Year of the Snake

February 17th, 2013 No Comments Tags: ,

The year of the snake is upon us folks as Chinese New Year has chimed in – Kung Hei Fat Choi. It got me thinking about that old board game we used to play – Snakes and Ladders. Remember that? You roll the dice and move your man forward. If you land on a snake you go back a bunch of spaces, sometimes back to the beginning. Yet when you land on a ladder you do the opposite, advance ahead a whole bunch of spaces, hmmmmm.

This game is surely a metaphor of life. I liken it to dieting. Going on a real dumb one that isn’t based in science is like landing on a cobra that sets you back in spades and bites real hard when you’re done. The same thing goes for the array of gimmicks out there too that take a bite out of your pocketbook when you fall for them. When I was young I landed on some snakes in this regard. The sad thing is you can’t pack the game up and go on with your day. You have to live with the consequences – sometimes it’s a yo-yo weight rebound, sometimes your confidence and self esteem get dashed, worse yet your metabolism could tank – exactly what you ever want to avoid. Many times all of these things happen.

I learned some hard lessons on that snake pit which are revealed in my book coming out in spring. Keep an eye out for it, won’t you? I’ll surely keep you apprised.

What we need to do is find ladders in our lives. That way everything will fall into place much more neatly. When’s that year coming on the calendar anyhow – The Year of The Ladder? I guess when we say it does!

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FLAT Like a Pancake…Ma’am

February 12th, 2013 No Comments Tags: , ,

Yes folks the dawning of Pancake Day got me pondering, hmmmmm. I was thinking about that test we Ma’am’s loathe most, but realize we need. Yes, I’m talking about monitoring and that dastardly mammogram. Good grief.

I have been at the age where sales people refer to me as Ma’am for a while now. This began about the age when my MD started scheduling my annual MA’AMmogram. (I stole this line from a comic’s routine – very witty).

If your bubbies weren’t sagging when you arrived, they surely will by the time you leave – FLAT like a pancake. I recall my last one…I checked in and waited as my heart fluttered nervously. Then the technician called my name and locked her steely gaze onto mine. I’m going in for a fun ride here. Someone’s in a cranky mood this Friday afternoon and it isn’t me……yet.

Ok, you get down to business and drop the dairies to get this over and done with. I know the drill, I’ve been coming here for many years now so get those jaws of life in gear so I can vamoose home. Surely a man has designed this machine because the technician uses an accelerator pedal on the floor to close the clamp on your poor booby….really, really tightly, FLAT like a pancake.

I’m in position for the first picture and the technician says “hold your breath”. Well my dear, it was hurting so much I was ALREADY holding my breath. Then comes the other “angled shot”. If the breast wasn’t dislodged from the pec muscle in your chest after the first picture, then this other view will surely do the job. UG.

The 4 pics have been taken and the song lingering in my head is “do your ears hang low, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow, can you throw them over your shoulder….” Do you remember that tune from days of old? Somehow it applies to this test, only it doesnt refer to your ears. My final thought as I leave is how that machine would make a great nut cracker…..

All joking aside ladies, it is not only important to monitor all aspects of your body but your life DEPENDS on it. Get out of the dark and go to your annual check up if you haven’t lately.

As another Pancake Day comes and goes think about whether you’ve been missing your annual check ups with the related tests. If your breasts are a little too perky because you missed your annual Ma’am-o-gram find that requisition and make the call. Time to get it into your calendar :-)

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